I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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