I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
