The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
