my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
