wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
