I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
