Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Less talking, more tequila
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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