I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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