I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
