alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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