"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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