she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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