I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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