last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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