If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
