Don't make out with my wife yet
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
