College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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