I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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