Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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