Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
