you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
