i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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