Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
