y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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