I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
