I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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