i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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