i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Two words: blizzard sex
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
