Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
