I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
