I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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