Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
