bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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