just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
