oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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