She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
