New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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