you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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