So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
