how hairy? two words: wookie tits
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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