Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
honey bunches of taint.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Even my vagina gasped.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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