somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
