Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
