I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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