P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
