everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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