I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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