Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
