Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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