I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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