He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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