FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
