in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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