Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
