just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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