How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
