That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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