Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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